So we have been together for 17 months, first she broke up with me on april 22nd because she was overwhelmed from me "interrogating" her about her past and things that bother her, because every time she said different thing about her past from the last time which made me question everything and also she lost feelings. The next day she called me saying that she misses me and that everything is fine and great between us and that her feelings came back, i was happy about that and told her that i may put pressure on her unknowingly (because she didn't say that it bothered her and how she felt like when i questioned her) and that we will fix everything if we really try to.
We were really happy and doing great untill like 1st-2nd of may when she started texting less and acted less interested. I asked her about that but she shrugged it off by saying that she was with her friends and that she didn't check her phone (she was at wedding 2nd of may and 3rd of may).
Then the 4th of may came and she spent that day with her friends even though we planned to see each other, when i asked her again about everything and her lack of interest she told me that she felt better on her own, that she can't forget what have i done to her(literally being interested in her past and her life but ok), that she felt happy with herself that she lost feelings again and that she doesn't love me in the same way but that she still does. She told me that she is really attracted to me and that i'm really beautiful but that wasn't enough.
When i asked her about stuff(my clothing, our photos in her phone, on her wall and other stuff that reminded her of me) she said that she would like to keep all of that and also wear my clothing still which was weird but okay.
Also i asked her are there any chances for us being together and about her finding someone else, she told me that it's 50/50 for us being back together sometime and that she doesn't want anyone else at the moment and that she will not engage with anyone else in any type of romance for now, but she said maybe even later just didn't want to make promises.
Take in mind that 30th april (4 days before breakup) she begged me to marry her, she wanted to catch flowers at the wedding so that i can marry her, she was talking overall about our future and how she wants me in her life.
Take in mind that i was wonderful to her and that everyone told me that i was too nice.
Every time we saw each other i bought her her favorite drink and something sweet, sometimes i bought her flowers and plushies but i never came empty handed.
I assured her every day that i loved her that she is the most beautiful girl, that i want her in my life and we pretty much always did what she wanted and felt comfortable with doing, i never shouted at her or any form of abuse, i helped resolve all her life problems(past trauma, family stuff, school, friends, her self esteem) and when she finally felt better about herself she left me instead of talking about what bothers her.
She told me that she might reach out to me in about 2-3 months maybe after breakup bur she seems so unbothered at the moment, she looks happy with her friends and looks like she's relieved even after 15 days of no contact. I don't know what to think, i lost a part of myself trying to meet all of her expectations and to be her perfect future husband, solving all of her and my problems and when she finally felt better she just left me.
Last updated on:2026-05-20T02:14:11+05:30
Comments (14)
i gave EVERYTHING to keep someone happy and slowly stopped recognizing myself in the process. when sheleave acting calm and relieved after you spent months carrying the relationship on your back
Ur EX may be dont know what she want in her life.Let her figure out.If she truly loved u she will come back, if she didnt ,please Thank God, that she left .
I agree, thanks for stating your opinion.
the constant questioning about her past probably wore her down more than you realized, even if your intentions weren’t bad.
yeah but she was never honest and always ran away from communication and that's why it looks like a dumb reason to break up when she could be straighforward from beginning so idk if i should feel guilty for wanting to know about her past and insecurities if i wanted her to be my wife. I always answered honestly and fully everything that she asked me
when she told you she felt interrogated, did you actually trust her answers after she gave them or did the questions keep coming because you still felt anxious underneath it all?
i tried to trust, but every time the answers were different which made me ask questions again, but i did it "non-chalantly" and neutrally so that she never felt pressured but she still did but didn't communicate really well.
you deserve better- she probably is not ready for a relarionship
Thanks, it's hard because it just happened one day but all of the time everything seemed great.
She probably knew it in her mind that this was not gonna last, even though she talked about the future. Sometimes things happen in life, maybe she has things going on that she doesnot want you to be part off. Therefore, the sudden change of heart. I feel she will return most probably when her life is settled.
this is not your person, go no contact completely and remove them from all social media. the hot and cold doesn’t stop until she does deep inner work on herself.
you should never help partners resolve trauma. you walk with them on it and if she cannot respect that about you that’s all you need to know about the relationship.
Thank you for your insight.
It's just so hard after giving everything i can and imagining future with them to end over something so easily resolvable and then still it's me that's hurt and she went on with her life without any visible regrets.
@BraveSpirit745 my ex, threw so much of her past on me. I would consider myself super empathetic but found it overwhelming holding all of that the entire relationship. I did everything in my power to hold it with respect, but ultimately when they mirror it back to us it is truly disrespectful to people like us. try and sit in the disrespect and take them off the pedastil we put them on
@coryh922 i spoke to many people with different perspectives and i came to conclusion.
The best thing that we can do is focus on ourselves and not let emotions talk. If we never had any bad intentions then i could say that we are clear. I will continue to be good and wait to see what world brings to me.
Also we must learn to live on our own and not depend on others feelings and have more self respect. Ironically that's also the best way to bring them back but they must have some damn good reasons for us to accept them again.