So, my ex and I first dated for almost a year. That first year was extremely traumatizing. He was knee deep into the online red pill manosphere and became a full blown misogynist. I didn’t know that when I first met him though. He was my first love and my first boyfriend. He was very romantic in general and that swayed me but then with time, this dark side of him came out more and more. Things got really bad and he said and did a lot of stuff which I wonder if I will ever really recover from. After the first year he finally did something that was so unthinkably bad that I had no other choice than leaving him. It was almost a blessing because after that I knew I would never go back. I finally hated him and was so disgusted that all the temptation was gone. And in moments of weakness, all those good romantic memories could never outweigh all the trauma, and definitely not the terrible future I’d have with him. Eventually I started healing and naturally many good things started happening in my life. But then there was Christmas, no contact, nye, no contact. it was really hard but I stuck with it. Until… in January I finally gave in and congratulated him on his birthday. By then 5 months had passed. In those 5 months he attempted multiple times to contact me, but I stayed strong. Until then… After that congratulation we soon met up and from the very first day I was his girlfriend again, and we dated again until now, a week ago. Things were much better this time around, but I can tell you, even if your partner does change, you may think it will heal all wounds and you can finally have the relationship you always wanted, but the damage will be done. What happened, happened, and I promise you, you can truly forgive and mean it, but you will never forget. No matter how hard you want to. And that was the case with us as well, and because of that, the second time around I was not able to fully love again, I was only half in it and that caused him to feel neglected and unappreciated, and I in return felt angry that he dared have such emotions when my behavior came from his actions and so on and so forth… Choose yourself. Accept reality. Sometimes the clichés are true, if you love someone you let them go. My and my ex finally have. And it hurts. But there is no other way.
Last updated on:2026-05-20T17:42:12+05:30
Comments (4)
you already knew the second relationship couldn’t fully survive, even while you were trying to make it work
you’re right about some wounds changing the relationship forever. i stayed way too long trying to force myself to feel secure again when deep down i was still carrying resentment and fear from the first round.
i went back to someone after a really toxic first breakup too, convinced the love would finally feel safe this time. but my body remembered EVERYTHING even when my heart wanted to move on from it.
sounds like you both did the work. Im proud of you for walking away the second time. Hope your next relationship is beautiful and gives you the love and care you deserve