I had just recently been broken up with by my girlfriend and I know she had every right to do it. We were friends for years before we started dating but I always struggled with being vulnerable and opening up. when we started dating, I was trying to learn how to do this and I thought that being in a relationship with her it would naturally happen. However there were things about me that I still felt so much shame and embarrassment over that I feared she would leave me if she ever found out. I resorted to talking to strangers online about my desires isn’t of telling her and she found out about it anyways. I hurt her so deeply and was so afraid of her leaving I tried to smother her with affection and grew so dependent on our relationship that it just drove her away even after she wanted to make things work.
I want to change. she is an amazing and wonderful person and she wants to still be my best friend. I want to figure out how to deal with these reassurance seeking and dependent desires so I can live a life where I want her not need her. She has told me that she wishes for a relationship in the future after we grow as people and I’m clinging to this hope, but it’s hard not to contact her. how does anyone relearn how to live for themselves and not push away their partner with their emotional dependency
Last updated on:2026-05-28T18:31:07+05:30
Comments (4)
was learning to sit with the panic instead of immediately texting or seeking reassurance every single time i felt abandoned. it felt impossible at first, but slowly i stopped needing someone else to calm every fear inside me.
this actually helps a lot did you have any like tips on how to sit with the panic, things you did? I really really want to try and make this work. I’m learning that I can’t control what happens but that doesn’t make the want go away.
i’m curious, do you think part of why you hid those things from her was because you were scared she’d see the “real” you and leave, or because you didn’t fully accept those parts of yourself either?
because I was so afraid she would be disgusted with who I really was, seeing the real me would make her lose interest and leave. she has been nothing but supportive of me being vulnerable with her but something inside me couldn’t accept that she would accept me fully.