Why did he pull away after 9 months?

i've been with my boyfriend for 11 months and around month 9 something suddenly changed.
we had just come back from an amazing trip together and everything seemed fine. then a couple of weeks later he started pulling away. whenever i asked what was wrong he insisted everything was okay.
one night while we were watching a movie he told me he wanted to break up. he said he needed to focus on himself and his new IT job. i was devastated. somehow we stayed together but things felt different. he was distant cold and no longer acted like himself.
a few weeks later after promising everything was fine he showed up at my place with his mother to collect his belongings. he told me i was too much and that he wanted more time for himself his family and his friends. what hurt most was that he had never talked to me about any of this before deciding to leave.
the weeks that followed were awful. he became colder and colder barely made time for me and eventually ended things for good. i stopped fighting it and agreed we should just be friends.
then things got confusing.
after the breakup he constantly checked in on me asking how i was doing and messaging me regularly. over time we started talking more spending time together again and eventually he apologized for everything. he admitted he handled things badly and slowly put real effort into rebuilding our connection.
eventually we got back together.
now things are honestly good. he's affectionate communicates better and seems genuinely sorry for the way he treated me. we're even planning a summer vacation together.
but i'm struggling with what happened.
during the breakup i lost nearly 10kg from stress. i was heartbroken confused and blindsided. even though we're doing well now part of me is still terrified it could happen again.
i've noticed i've become more guarded and less affectionate because i'm scared of getting hurt the same way twice. he says he's worried i've become colder and when i finally explained how deeply everything affected me he seemed genuinely shocked and apologized again.
i care about him and i want to believe in us but sometimes i still wonder if it's possible to fully trust a future with someone who once walked away so suddenly.

Last updated on:2026-06-12T14:21:11+05:30