Today I am feeling low inside. I find myself battling in my mind. I feel depressed and wounded in my mind and heart. At the same time I feel dehumanized as a person because of my previous criticism and abuse throughout life in general. I know healing takes time. One day I wont be the same and I will look back by God’s permission and be filled with joy that I overcame this certain person and things in my life that was in the way of my blessings and my goals in life. I am thankful I do forgive all those who have hurted me but the wound is still there. But one day that wound will fade away and it would be like I never even had it. So in the midst of my low time. I still have hope and that is what keeps me pushing to not give up.
Last updated on:2026-07-15T08:41:39+05:30
Comments (8)
Is your partner a professional mental health worker? Was he manipulating you to stay with him, or trying to control you to leave? Don't be so hard on yourself. Forgive yourself for listening too and believing the nonsense he said to you. His controlling behavior toward you should make you realize you were trapped in a no win situation. learn as much as you can while you do the exercises in this program. The answers you are seeking will come to you as soon as your nervous system is relieved from the burdens of his possessiveness, and you are able to think clearly.
No he isnt a professional mental health worker. He was 39 when I met him and I was 19. I knew him for a year. He did both. He controlled and manipulated me in the beginning of the relationship. He would say,”Nobody else can have you but me. I want you to promise me you would stay with me.” Or he would futurefake and talk about marriage with me and want to grow with me. And mind u we wasnt in a relationship at that time. He kept telling me I couldnt be in a relationship with him unless I have sex. I never gave it to him because not just being religious but I didnt trust him because of his behavior. That part didnt bother me too much. What bothered me was him calling me mental names. If he was diagnosed with a mental disorder too. Then one time I tried to tell him a concern that was on my mind and he told me he’s not the type of guy I should be going to with advice because hes unhappy himself. Then thats when he finally gave me the option to leave but at the moment I didnt because of the connection. So that was my fault, but I couldnt help but be confused because I was manipulated of a lot things. I may not saw it right away but it concerned me as time went on. Then other times I did tried to leave when he would say hurtful things to me for being myself.
when i was in a place like this, i stopped judging myself for still hurting, and somehow that made the hard days a little easier to get through.
i've carried around old criticism for years too, and even after i forgave people, the hurt didn't just disappear. i remember wondering why i still felt so small.
was there something today that brought all of this back up, or did you just wake up feeling the weight of it again?
Yes, there was something thag brought all this stuff up. I kept having events of his words play in my head of him calling me unstable or saying I have multiple personality disorder because I could never make up my mind of wanting to stay with him.
that*
At one point I was strong and didnt really take too much thought of his words, but ig when I left him. The memory comes back to my mind