After leaving the relationship and going through counseling, I began to realize that my ex may have had covert narcissistic tendencies. I had no idea what he did was emotional abuse. That realization left me feeling torn, hurt, and deeply betrayed, especially because for so long, I believed I was the one who had sabotaged the relationship.
What makes the grief even harder is accepting that I cannot change him. Whether he ever changes is no longer something I can wait for or hold onto. I can only accept what I experienced, let go, and protect myself by no longer allowing him access to my life.
And that is something I am grieving too.
I am not only grieving the relationship or the future I once imagined with him. I am grieving the realization that someone I loved so deeply may no longer have a place in my life.
Last updated on:2026-09-03T11:06:36+05:30
Comments (8)
accepting that you can’t fix him and have to fully cut access is its own kind of grief, and it sucks
that’s true 😭 it’s literally a forever goodbye
how long did it take for that shift to happen for you, from thinking you sabotaged it to seeing the emotional abuse for what it was?
I dated for 3 years and only saw everything 2 months before the breakup. I would say my relationship was 90% good and it was hard 😭 we fought a lot in the last 2 months, but I knew something was off. I did counseling and I thought it was communication issues, but seeing him hurting me without remorse, I knew there must be something 😭 😭 I realized after reading books about narcissistic and DARVO tactics 😢
i went through the exact same thing after my last relationship, realizing all the subtle manipulation and how i’d spent years blaming myself for everything that went wrong. that betrayal of your own sense of reality cuts deep.
I know, dear 💔it hurts me as well 😭 especially knowing I have to leave even though I love him deeply and impossible to return
It is hard to move past a situation involving a narcissist. No matter the situation, he always managed to make me feel at fault, and I would end up apologizing or reaching out to him. He wouldn't admit what he was doing, even with evidence. Whenever I upset him, he would punish me with silence. He took revenge at every opportunity. He had no empathy for me. Over time, I realized these things, but the dependency was still there. I felt the need to talk to him and see him, yet whenever I did, he didn't understand me. It frustrated me that he treated me this way, yet I couldn't let go of him. I struggle every day with the walls he puts up, with the constant checking, and with the need to truly matter to him. There are days when I can't believe the things he’s done to me, and days when I ache with longing for him. It is difficult but not impossible.
dear, I feel you 😭 I also wondered why I always be the one who was at fault. I didn’t like him hanging out with female friends and somehow he labeled me as controlling 😢 it hurts me so bad. I found out 2 months before the breakup. The DARVO tactics, sarcasm, mockery. I was so surprised since he was always soft and kind man. I was so blindsided. The whole 2 months he changed suddenly, being verbal aggressive, victim playing, diminishing my feeling 😭
I ended the relationship because I knew he has someone else behind me 😢 moreover, I knew what he did was wrong. You are right about the evidence. He loves sending me evidence, but when I did that he called me dramatic and crazy