I need some advice about an apartment situation because I genuinely don’t know what to do.
My ex and I were almost moved in together. The apartment belongs to my dad, and he was supposed to pay rent once he found a job in the city. We had already started setting everything up, and he brought a lot of his stuff there: decorations, dishes, etc.
After the breakup, he said he’d just randomly come sometime in October to get his things. He still has the building key and the apartment code, but doesn’t want me or my dad there.
The problem is that I don’t trust him anymore. Since the breakup, he’s shit-talked me online, called me a loser ex and more. He also cancelled shared subscriptions after I had already sent him money for them. So I really don’t feel comfortable with him having free access to the apartment while I’m not there, especially since I’m currently staying with my parents.
I could change the code, but then I’d feel like an asshole if he drives three hours there and suddenly can’t get in. I also really don’t want to message him, but if i did change the code i would have to tell him i fear.
I’ll be near the apartment this weekend anyway, so I could potentially do that then.
What would you guys do? Change the code and text him make him arrange a time with me/my dad, or leave it and trust him to only take his own things?
Last updated on:2026-10-03T14:22:12+05:30
Comments (5)
i’d be uncomfortable too after someone has been trash-talking me and messing with shared stuff. i’ve had an ex still have access to my place after a breakup, and that little feeling of “what could happen while i’m not there?” was enough to make me stop trusting the situation.
i changed the access code when i was in a similar spot and told my ex they could collect their things by arranging a time with me. honestly, i felt guilty at first, but giving someone access to my home just to avoid feeling like the asshole made me way more anxious
i feel like the three-hour drive is probably what’s making you feel guilty here, but after everything that’s happened, would you actually feel safe leaving him the code and being somewhere else when he comes?
definitely change the code and change the lock. pack up all his belongings and get him to pick them up from your parents house. He has no right to dictate that he should have free access to your apartment without you or your dad there. If he can't be kind to you after the breakup, you don't have to be either
if your dad owns the property and you and him are finished, you need to change your locks. he is not legally allowed to access that home. if he has stuff of his there, arrange for him to come and pick it up.