hi broke up for 6weeks now and we were both each others first love, just felt like typing out what i currently feeling now and thinking these days. Thankfully i can detach from people in a shorter time because ive lost people before. But now im still trying to stop thinking of them all the time.
slowly starting to accept it already
some days i wake up and feel really empty and miss them, but i am and i can feel myself detaching from them these days. I dont stalk their socials anymore and i dont care what they are doing anymore, tired of being blocked and unblocked from their side account on tiktok. Slowly accepting that if he wants to be with me, he would have fixed things instead of cursing me out and leave. I dont have to take the blame for evrything that happened that night. Saying this because i was blaming myself for what happened for a month and kept thinking about “what i couldve done instead” all the time even though i cannot change the past. He could have delivered what he was upset about calmly and not being rude while expecting me accept the verbal abuse. If he really wanted it to be me like he promised all the time, he would not have trash talk about me, while being in a relationship with me at that time, to his friends just because he wanted to. He wouldnt have left me if he wanted it to be me and would not call me names and labels when i have never done that to him before. AND he wouldnt ghost me for more than a week after spewing vulgarities at his own girlfriend that actually gives a fuck about him for a whole year. Im trying to stop understanding why he said those stuff at the end because i know i wouldve and could never thought about saying such shitty stuff to him, thankfully. Now i just wonder what kind of person he really is since he was such an asshole. I rather be loved by someone who doesnt fake their “nice personality” all the time and be authentic to their true self just like who i am. Wouldnt say i wasted 1.5 year because honestly, at least i had someone to go through with in my last high school year. It was great while it lasted although i regret forgiving him for many stuff that made me realised now how low my self respect is when i love someone, but i just wanted it to be him too. Unfortunately or fortunately, he chose to leave me alone this time and i know i couldve never let go of him. 🤫🧏♀️
Last updated on:2026-03-03T18:34:03+05:30
Comments (4)
the way he spoke to you that night… was that the first time he showed that side, or had there been smaller moments you brushed off before?
i’m gonna say this straight, someone who wants you does not trash talk you to his friends or block and unblock you for sport. i stopped trying to understand why she said those cruel things and just accepted that love shouldn’t feel like verbal abuse.
i was with my first love too and the switch up at the end messed with my head so bad. the cursing, the name calling, the ghosting for a week like i meant nothing… that part broke something in me. reading this i can feel you slowly choosing yourself and that takes real strength
I'm sure it'll be for the better. being with a person who has no respect for you, trash talk about you or calls you names is a waste of your energy. respect comes before love, because it shows character...and i also used to carry a guilt for quite sometime after our breakup for my past mistakes that I've apologized for and tried doing better. but not everything is one's fault or responsibility. you need to forgive yourself inorder to move on. because some people like to sit in their suffering so much rather than healing and forgiving themselves or other.