Day 104 of NC. Day 100 i went on a date with a great guy, had fun but we went to the same place my ex and I went to on our first date, and my brain was literally looking for him. When I got home I cried, took me a minute to get myself together but I did.
Days later, my exes mom hits me up and tells me some sad news that happened in his family. She told me he wanted to talk to me but knows hes blocked. I didn't think much of it, since its not because he wants to reach out authenticly about 'us', more over im his emotional safety net, and putting myself foot down has definitely rattled him.
Skip to today, day 104, I dont know what I want anymore, other then regulating and dealing with my abandonment wounds. Not just telling myself that im doing better or just the work thats required. Feeling it and seeing it. Friends to family tell me im a new person, but I dont feel that way. I still feel like the person that was left behind. Doesnt help that I have an emotionally abusive mother that I've removed from my life who has been stalking me and posting horrible things online.
I just want peace. If that means im alone, then im alone. Even when the new guy doesnt respond, I feel aniexty and want to message him for reassurance that he's still there, but I haven't at all because I know what this is now.
My exes mom wants me to come over this weekend for dinner. I told her I dont mind, but my ex CAN NOT be there. Shes respecting my boundary and said of course and that shes here for me.
I kinda feel like a tidal wave of new emotions are starting to hit me. Things I would have jumped at or question, read into has totally been replaced with realizing how I have been treating myself.
Hopefully things shift again, because im always feeling uncomfortable, regulated, them right back to being uncomfortable.
Last updated on:2026-04-25T01:48:51+05:30
Comments (7)
I am so proud of you for taking the time to work on yourself and to celebrate your accomplishments. I hope you enjoyed your dinner.
do you think being around his mom, even without him there, might stir things back up for you or are you actually ready for that?
I feel like being in that environment would make me feel a way, it definitely did before when he breadcrumbed me last last year, but things are very very different now, and the circumstances of me going over there are different too. I think ill be fine.
i feel this so heavy. i hit around that same no contact mark and thought i was “better,” then something random would hit and i’d feel like i was right back at the start. that push and pull is so real
Yep the push and pull. I know the decisions ive made to let go and detach has been the best decision ive made for myself, but just because the relationship is over, doesnt mean the love just vanishes, so its still a battle. I mean this new guy blows him out the park but im still emotionally attached to my ex I guess. ☠️
I can’t even imagine how difficult it must be to navigate this healing journey while dealing with an emotionally abusive mother. I am so sorry you are going through that—having someone who should be your safe harbor spreading hurtful things about you online is a deep betrayal.
Regarding the online harassment:
You absolutely have the right to protect your space. On most platforms, you can click the three dots (...) on her profile or posts to Report and Block. Reporting her for 'Harassment' or 'Bullying' can often lead to the content being removed. Even though she is your mother, you deserve safety. Please keep taking screenshots of everything she posts; having a digital paper trail is vital if you eventually need to seek a Peace Bond or Restraining Order to make the stalking stop.
Resources for your journey:
Since you mentioned finding peace, I highly recommend looking into Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Karyl McBride. It pairs very well with Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. Learning the Gray Rock Method can also be a game-changer—it’s a way of being so unreactive and 'boring' that toxic people eventually lose interest in targeting you.
The situation with your ex's mom:
It’s completely understandable why you’ve stayed close to her, especially if she provides the healthy maternal energy you didn't get at home. Just stay mindful of your peace—sometimes family members, even well-meaning ones, hope to act as 'bridge' to get you back together.
You are worthy of kindness, respect, and a life free from chaos. Do you have a solid friend or a counselor or a breakup coach you can lean on right now? I am currently seeing a counselor. we are all here for you anytime you need to talk. you are doing a great job. I believe in you. don't forget to celebrate your victories and 104 days of no no contact. I think your strength deserves to be celebrated with a cake with 104 candles. 🎂
Thank you so much for this comment, I do have wonderful friends and people around me that have my back, including some of his family, therapist and my own family too. (Wish I had more of their support but it is what it is.) My mom on the other hand is totally stuck in the past from a divorce and her own struggles, which makes it so hard not to reach out but after almost a decade of instability and abuse, I wouldn't be the person I am now if I didnt step away. I have reported her accounts and some have been taken down, shes just toxic as hell and I dont need it in my life anymore. Tonight I will be celebrating my own accomplishments! Plan to cook a nice dinner and have a nice glass of wine after work and getting my self care done! I will definitely check out 'Will I Ever Be Enough,' ive read 'Adult Childern of Emotionally Immature Parents,' and it was a huge wake up call to me. My mom is not my responsibility, her issues are not mine to solve, the same could be said for my ex. I am learning and growing.