My ex and I broke up over two years ago after a six-month relationship. Four months into it he started an affair with another girl and continued dating her after we split. We stayed no contact for about a year and a half until out of nowhere he reached out again nine months ago.
At first it was late-night drunk calls about wanting to see me even though I had moved away for college. I brushed it off assuming he was lonely or bored but eventually we started talking regularly. It felt surprisingly easy to reconnect and for the most part I viewed him as a friend. He even told me about a girl he liked and I found myself giving him advice while also pointing out some concerns about his dating patterns.
Everything changed over Christmas when I came home and we secretly took a trip together. We spent a few days away slept together and some old feelings resurfaced. Then just a week later I discovered he was officially dating the same girl he had been talking about. I immediately cut contact.
Three months later he reached out again. Since then we've been stuck in the same cycle. He contacts me we talk constantly things feel intense and exciting and we start making plans to see each other. Then a few days before we're supposed to meet he suddenly becomes distant cold and unresponsive. No explanation. No conversation. Just silence. This has happened at least six times now.
What makes it even more confusing is that we both claim we don't have romantic feelings for each other. In many ways that's true for me because he's disappointed me so many times that I no longer trust him with my heart. Yet his actions rarely match someone who only wants something casual. He tells me his deepest secrets says things like "you know me better than anyone" and "you're different." He gets jealous of other guys and once even responded with "I love you" when I jokingly told him I hated him something we never even said while we were dating.
Recently after another round of no contact I reached out because I was back in town. I suggested we finally sit down and talk about everything. He agreed and even said he wanted to see me as soon as he got back from vacation. But now just like every other time he's gone cold again. Short replies. Left on opened. Acting distant despite seeming excited only days earlier.
I genuinely don't understand what's going on. I can't tell whether he's confused scared and carrying unresolved feelings or if he simply enjoys having access to me whenever he wants. What I do know is that I'm exhausted by this cycle. I know no contact is the obvious answer but every time he comes back I find myself pulled in again.
More than anything I just want to understand why he keeps returning if he's never willing to fully show up.
Last updated on:2026-06-16T15:23:40+05:30
Comments (1)
im sorry to say, but he keeps returning because you are his backup plan. It still seems he cares for you deeply, but he doesnt want you, but also he doesnt want to let you go