I’m at a low point in my healing right now. I’ve been thinking about the finality of everything again and that’s been the hardest part for me. I think about the fact that I will likely never see her again or simply the fact that she genuinely wanted nothing to do with me and got with another dude. It’s not so much that she can’t make her own choices but so much how I live with the choices of others. The simple fact that we could have worked out if she didn’t give up on us. I’m still at a point where I’m also being very critical of myself. Not that I’m falling into my perfectionism habits but more so that I knew what was right but I let my emotions get in the way of my judgment. I just don’t get how you can fall out of love so easily with a person whose always been by your side though I know I also caused her pain. She will never come back so it’s no use in worrying about her. We started off as Christian study buddies but then we fell in love and started going on a whole different train wreck. There were times she wanted to start doing right again but I was happy doing the wrong things that I didn’t understand the weight it carried. Then close to the end, I started wanting to be a better man not because I noticed her distance but because I didn’t wanna continue to be the way I was. Us breaking up and me having to deal with the fact that I don’t have that type of access to her no more has kinda made me make change. Not for her but it pointed out what I needed. I won’t be that same person that let her walk right over my boundaries ever again but I can’t help that I still miss her. I think having so much free time gives me more time to feel the pain of it so that when it truly passes it’s over. I just wonder why do the privileged and people who hurt people always win? I always get the short end of the stick and though I overcome it everytime, it’s not fair. I just wanna give up honestly.
Last updated on:2026-07-20T20:46:47+05:30
Comments (8)
I feel like that is the hardest part about this healing journey, that we have to navigate a life without them when at a point they became our whole world what helped me is that id tell my self I lived 30 years of my life not knowing them they are only a small chapter in my life one day they will be just a bad memory that I recognize as an even that changed my character for good because there is a lesson we learn in meeting temporary people.character building events are tough to navigate through but we are resilient and this too shall pass keep ypur head up you were created by the high king.
glad you said “i just wanna give up” out loud. when i got that low, i needed more than my own thoughts, so i hope you’re talking to someone you trust too when those thoughts hit hardest, is it mostly the loss of her or the guilt about who you were in the relationship?
Mostly I feel like it’s the lack of knowing if I’m truly making progress
Your post is so similar to what Im going through. I am a Christian and have been trying to get back into my faith, and my ex was Sikh. I saw all of the honorable things about her religion but I knew deep down it was a gap too far to bridge. We started sinning together and I also felt strong guilt and wanted to stop, but lust got the better of me. Part of me wanted her to convert to Christianity and become a part of my world, but I don't think she was willing to do that. This pain has caused me to come back to my faith stronger than ever. I would like to think God is preparing us for something greater.
i’ve had to learn that missing someone doesn’t mean i’m meant to go back to the same version of the relationship.
hello
This shit is painful. I don't know what else to say.
sitting with the thought that i’d never see my person again, and that finality was the part that broke me the most. i’m glad you’re seeing the parts of yourself you want to change, even while you’re hurting.